I FEEL TENDERLY TOWARD MY MOTHER these days. After years of escaping her control, rejecting her faith, and longing for her acceptance - I've allowed myself to remember the good stuff.
Psychologists talk about the nurturing mother with a strong, stable heart center connecting with the child's heart center - stabilizing the child's emotional energy. Without this, they say a child can actually feel broken hearted - sensing deep loss and emptiness. They talk about THE GAZE . . . that powerful link of love between mother and child.
I longed to experience that nurturing and cherishing - I didn't remember 'the gaze'.
Until I found these pictures taken nearly 80 years ago.
Look at the connection we seem to be enjoying in this picture >>
Or here! Not so much :)
I believe now that mother loved me 'in her fashion' . . . Although we were alien souls in temperment, in her later years we discovered a love as strong as 'the Atlantic Cable'. She surely must have suffered from my life-long unwillingness to conform to her extremely rigid, ever-vigilant, and disapproving expectations.
Yet, last week while vacationing in San Francisco, I found these magazine images and created two SoulCollage cards which reflect a new soft awareness of my positive mother . . . who was probably there all along.
THIS is the mother who says "what on earth am I going to do with you? You are SO FULL OF LIFE!"
THIS is the mother who says "I'm here, watching you play in the mud, not worrying if you get all dirty, enjoying the sheer happiness of childhood"
Maybe she's even dozing off, but I think she knows - and allows the joy.
SO THAT'S WHERE I AM TODAY.
FINDING AND CLAIMING LOVING MOMENTS WITH MY GOOD MOTHER.
P.S. I'LL BE OFF-LINE FOR A FEW WEEKS having knee replacement surgery . . . meanwhile I recommend Kim Chernin's wonderful book:
The Woman Who Gave Birth to Her Mother