MASKS...and why we need them!

Masks get a bad rap!  We sometimes confuse them with inauthenticity or deceit.  But in the search for our 'true selves'or our essence, we have to try on a bunch of personas (Latin word for masks). As infants we have to find out if screaming or cooing gets us the most attention. And in our work, we either learn how to schmooze at parties (even if we're introverted)...or be seen as unsociable or worse.

Sometimes we malign our personas or adaptations as 'learned' rather than natural...we might say "I'm not really like that. I was a very shy child. I hid behind my mother's skirts. I hated to be introduced to new people. In boarding school, to cover my shyness, I found an unexpected persona as a humorist.....telling crazy stories, making jokes...always scanning the environment for what was needed to help me feel accepted/OK.  And who knew that my career would require lots of public speaking?  At first that mask felt frightening...but soon I took the mask off and found I could do it naturally. A great old saying (anon, alas) is: WE DISCOVER WHO WE ARE BY DOING WHAT COMES NATURALLY!

But what is the cost of expressing yourself from behaviors that feel like masks or facades?  After awhile you can lose sight of who you are at the core. The way I can tell if I'm wearing my convenient and very well developed masks too much...is the loss of spontaneous energy. Sometimes I need to relax back into my original preferred introversion.   

Nevertheless, I am grateful for the opportunies I've had to aquire and express unexpected parts of myself and integrate them into my wardrobe of options. They make me feel more confident and competent. And less likely to retreat into an introverted hidey hole.  

By now I own that my learned behaviors are genuine parts of me.  Maybe I was always capable of extrovertish behavior but had been socialized early to repress it?  Maybe it only needed necessity, permission and practice to flourish as part of my personality?

                              

Other 'abilities', like putting up with sh*t, tolerating boredom, telling little white lies just to keep the peace...are also part of my bag of tricks.  But they DO NOT REFLECT my current Cronish values.  Even pretending to enjoy soul-deadening gatherings wearing a false mask of pleasure, patience or gratitude...grates on my new nerves.

Here's how my masks, or personas have helped me :)

*they let me audition for parts I couldn't imagine I'd be able to play

*they let me explore shadow parts of my personality that were repressed or previously unacceptable

*they let me play vivid and daring roles outside my comfort zone

AND, IF those masks didn't fit, weren't a genuine part of me, I could toss them

So, I'm glad we all have chances to try on different ways to present ourselves.  We can use those that make us feel more whole and discard those that shrink us. 

Comments

[Susan]

Ah! Silver Mara!