MY SECRET LIFE

High above the deep blue glittering ocean this morning, breathing the fresh scent of sage and new-mown hay, I wander along the sunlit ranch path.  I feel so good.  So privileged to live in this beautiful place.  I'm listening to my dear Leonard Cohen singing,

In My Secret life - swinging my arms to his grumbly rhythms - thinking about his words:

"I smile when I'm angry             But I know what is wrong

I cheat and lie                             And I know what is right

I do what I have to do                And I'd die for the truth

To get by...                                  In my secret life."

Leonard's words open me.

I take another enquiring look at my own secret life, MY SHADOW.  

By this time I know, theoretically, that 'nothing that is human is alien to me' ... and I've reclaimed many a projection, that is: I've realized that when someone REALLY upsets me, beyond provocation, that often means that she represents a 'shadow figure' for me.  Then, up pops an example:

 I remember my strong annoyance with  a friends' need to constantly judge and  control my driving.  MY driving!

 Surely she doesn't  mirror my own (very  occasional)  tendency to judge  and control?  

 No way. Not me.

 Damn.  It is SO  much easier and  more  satisfying to  see and judge the  annoying  characteristics of   others -  than to see  my own!

 But, as Leonard  says:

    I KNOW WHAT     IS WRONG

 

            AND I KNOW WHAT IS RIGHT

            AND I'D DIE FOR THE TRUTH

            In my secret life.

That's one of the treasures of being old -  I am more truthful about being me, owning my light AND my shadow.

Suffering, as Marion Woodman would say, "the agony of being human".  And seeking WHOLENESS, rather than perfection!

    

Comments

[Cat]

How fun, Dorothy. I love your blog, you write just like you talk... what a blast!
I love our talks on "the agony of being human." And of course all the laughs. Thanks for sharing this with me.

[Cynthia]

Dorothy, as a soon to be 50 year old, your words definitely resonate with me! It is so true that people reflect ourselves back to us, hopefully in positive as well as negative ways. I love, love that picture of you with the tiger bears (?) chasing after you!

[Saucy Chick Sherry]

I have come over for a visit from Mary Ann Moss and I am enjoying your blog. Blissful Cambria...