I love to nurture people...bring them a cup of tea, top off their wine glass, put a pillow behind their back or feet, cover them with a cozy afgan. Somewhere along the line I realized that I was doing exactly what my mother, Gladys, used to do to me. But as a child I hated to be fussed over, brushed off Mother's ministrations, saying, "I'm fine, just leave me alone!"
Sometimes my friends reject my attempts to nurture so I've tried to stop...but I suffer true anguish when I watch them squirm in discomfort...needing another pillow, needing ME to bring them another pillow. One day, not long ago, I forced myself to NOT offer the nurturing gesture, just let them ask if they needed something....after all these friends were in their 60's and 70's ...as am I. Surely they would ask if they needed something, or move if they were uncomfortable?
Then it hit me. IT IS MY NATURE TO NURTURE. It is NOT a curse or a flaw! I wanted to be a nurse when I was little, my dolls were rocked to sleep and pampered when ill. My many pets have been combed and brushed and I built carpeted shelves and climbing posts for their pleasure. It gives me joy to prepare a good meal for guests and make sure everyone feels included and valued. Why should I feel guilty about what is a natural part of my personality? This is who I am. Take it or leave it.
And then the truth hit me...IT ISN'T THE NURTURING THAT OFFENDS some PEOPLE....IT IS MY INSISTENCE on making them comfortable, FUSSING OVER THEM WHETHER THEY WANT IT OR NOT. Maybe some folks just don't want to be fussed over, want to be invisible, or just want to figure out how to make themselves comfortable. I can offer my pillows, afgans, tea and comfort ONCE, and if the offer is not accepted, I need to BACK OFF! And go pet my cat.
