If all your life you have needed to be free....free of restrictions, rules, requirements, expectations, and if you hated authority in the form of parents, church, teachers, police, bullies, etc. Then you are lucky. Lucky to be driven to avoid control from the outside...driven instead to listen to your own truth, no matter what the cost. And the cost is sometimes high. Folks want you to obey THEIR rules, their doctrines, their theories. And they may ostracize you or damn you to eternal fires if you think for yourself.
I remember a psychology professor describing people as pre-conventional (primitive, undifferentiated), conventional (do what everyone else does in your group), or post-conventional (do what makes sense to you...what you think is right). eg: if you believe in "doing unto others", etc., you are likely to be tolerant of those with different beliefs and behaviors.
I love being post-conventional.
HOWEVER. There comes a time when that urge to be free can actually obstruct your REAL FREEDOM. What a surprise to discover that allowing yourself to surrender your "ego" freedom can actually liberate you to experience a greater freedom than you've ever known. It is the freedom beyond freedom. The freedom to BE...just yourself....not fighting anyone or anything but trusting that your path is unfolding before you with a sense of direction... beyond your understanding. I think, for some of us, the early years of fighting for your own identity is necessary...before you can risk becoming available to direction from beyond yourself.
I feel freer than ever before. And not so defiantly obstinate against other people's need to control or persuade me. I'm breathing more easily..keeping close to my inner wisdom, and allowing the outside stuff to flow around and past me. I am more available to my own insights, and to the real people I love. And more likely to say YES to chances to use my energy in ways that express me authentically. Am I making any sense? Maybe this is a work in progress. More later.
Here is the ocean this morning
