AUTHENTIC ADULT WOMAN

SO FULL OF LIFE!

YEP, I FEEL SO FULL OF LIFE recently...can't really explain it...I think it is a gift.  All of a sudden, everything seems clearer...even my aging body is letting me know that its not over.  Every day I read some article or some letter or some book that goes right to the heart of my personal growth.  And all I have to do is say THANK YOU and place myself fully in THE PATH.  This isn't easy, the old forces in my psyche that have kept me free are now reluctant to yeild to the demands of something/Someone greater.  First I have to sense, deep down, where I am not in alignment with my purpose in life, where my stubborn ego is in conflict with the compelling requirements of my Higher Power, or the SELF, as Carl Jung calls God.  

OK, so I get that I'm out of alignment...that my energy and willingness to risk are low, that I just want to settle back and rest from the labors of learning and growing.  BUT, all of a sudden everything is pointing to the possiblity of RENEWAL...to a chance to be more true to myself...to express my true self.  I realize that the stuff I thought I wanted to do...doesn't hold any real juice for me at this stage...that the old ways of feeling useful and excited don't do it for me any more.  Been there, done that. 

What I really want now is to BE.  To be fully present wherever I am, with whomever.  To be engaged, truthful, sweet or salty, tough or tender...but to bring myself, 100% to every day.  Sounds like not enough...to my old guilt-ridden ego.  But actually it IS ENOUGH... it is what is asked for by the Self.  I used to teach that it takes just as much energy to hold back, ie: to withhold your gifts, your voice, your help...as to give it...and I still believe that.  

So, the upshot is that I am experiencing a personal renaissance..You can't beleive the joy and the energy that flood my daily life.  What a gift!

  

Here's a recent collage that somehow reflects this marvelous new movement toward wholeness.

I'M BACK...OLDER AND WISER

It's Wednesday here on the ocean in California...and a sweet 72 degrees...while the whole world is screwed up and desperte.

This Saturday I intend to make a small altar to celebrate something new I learned yesterday. Most of my life when I felt OBLIGED OR REQUIRED to do something, I no longer wanted to do it...even if it was something I might enjoy or benefit from....I could not understand why the energy left...why it became almost impossible to do the expected work.

I became paralyzed.  And guilty for not living up to expectations from myself or others.

So imagine my relief and gratitude when I read an article called:  Duty and the Death of Desire, by Jungian Analyst, Gary Trosclair.  He explores the factors that lead some of us to feel we must refuse obligation and duty.  If one's autonomy has been negatively impacted by a very controlled upbringing, one may develop a DEFENSIVE AUTONOMY that actually prohibits the "full development of the individual and all her capabilities, including the capacity for relationship, spirtuality and mastery..."

Sometimes the need for personal freedom may override al other natural desires.  Refusal to respond to demands from the outside can crush our capacity to "savor life, find meaning in life, and move toward wholeness."

I'M BACK...OLDER AND WISER