WHAT IF I HAVE NO PEARLS?
Recently my friend Paula noticed that those of us
in our eighties
face a new phase in the process ~
So I decided to explore
what's different for me now ~
Well - I'm more honest and transparent.
I realize I don't have 'wisdom' to share any more -
(altho’ I may have presumed to have some in earlier decades!)
I sometimes even wonder if anything I believe is really true.
I don't think much about beliefs, per se - dogma, orthodoxy, etc.
The truths I live by are a network or collection of truths
discovered along this journey.
None is the whole truth.
None is the only truth.
But it is my hard-won truth.
I've always been a skeptic -
but when I actually experienced the transpersonal -
or realized that the people I met, the places I was drawn to,
were beyond chance -
I understood that these synchronistic events
brought important messages and insights.
I became a reluctant but fervent believer in the idea
that I have been guided all along my personal path
and that I can trust the Hand that guides.
Being in my 83rd year seems like being in altered space.
I notice that I like this unfamiliar place.
It is softer, quieter - fewer distractions ~
allowing a fresh new energy
free of 'shoulds'.
I love letting go of the pressure of the MUSTS -
must do, must have, must be interested, must learn etc.
I feel more open to ‘whatever'.
It's a relief not to be searching for answers to the BIG QUESTIONS -
(a heavy preoccupation of my youth).
Another new thing is less guilt about not doing enough 'GOOD' in the world.
I used to believe I needed to respond to a sort-of calling to 'do good'.
Now, altho' I’m alarmed by the worldwide shadow of hatred and bigotry
I can’t, personally, stop it or influence it.
Altho' it's my destiny to live in this time
Somehow I’m living on a different level -
where it’s alright to let go of anxiety and fear.
What matters most now is the present,
becoming more true to myself
enjoying the warmth of friends,
and the blessings and beauty around me.
Am I totally selfish because I get such joy out of little things?
LAUGHING, PLAYING WITH PICTURES AND PETS?
OH - I’ve been rambling - asking myself what has changed for me now,
in my 80’s
Discovering a collage of ideas and feelings
Once in awhile I feel a burst of energy or an impossible idea -
for example - I could be a comedienne doing little island gigs
making irreverent fun of my very conservative upbringing -
singing old hymns -
wearing crazy clothes ~
But it won’t happen because I might be stoned by fervent locals :)
The PUSH has gone
The TRUST has risen
WHAT A RIDE INDEED!
p.s. Sorry I don't know who painted these words on silk.
I've enjoyed the hanging in my study for years.